The Sartorial Senator

Vetting Your Pants: A Sartorial Look at Potential VP's PART I

Now that the primary is over and we have our presumptive nominees it's about time the Sartorial Senator reviews the VP options for each candidate...Up first, the Democrats:

1) Jim Webb
Senator Webb, who occasionally dresses like Steve Jobs, seems to add all the right ingredients to the Obama ticket. Former Republican, foreign policy experience, and helps out in Virginia. However, Webb also wrote a few novels with some pretty controversial material prior to running for office. Sure it didn't seem to hurt him is his Senatorial campaign, but, on the other hand, he got a boost in that election by simply not calling anyone macaca.  Oh yeah and he (essentially) brought a gun into the Senate Chambers.

2) Sherrod Brown


Senator brown, would undoubtedly help out in Ohio.  But, he looks like a goober.

3) Joe Biden
The loquacious Senator already has an inside track on the VP spot when he noted how clean and well-spoken Obama is....kiss ass.  Also, Biden brings with him him the all important Delaware Delegates.

Campaign Spectacles

Obama's opponents have given him some flak for not wearing a flag lapel pin, but this is just getting ridiculous. Where can this possibly lead? McCain sporting a glittery Uncle Sam costume?

Word to the wise Senator Clinton, your new "(wo)man of the people" routine won't seem so disingenuous if you remember to take the tag off your patriotic apparel before you put it on.

The Sartorial Senators advice for the best way Obama can put this issue to rest:

Least Topical Post Ever

This may be my least topical post ever.  But has anyone else ever noticed that John Kerry is the spitting image of "Snow Miser" from the old stop-animation Christmas specials. Check it out:

 

The Goreolis Effect

With talk of a dream ticket dying down, it's as good a time as any to begin speculation on the Obama (or in some unlikely event Clinton) running mate choice.  Here is one thing we do know....it won't be Richardson.

The Goreolis Effect states that when a politician grows a beard it invariably means an imminent retirement from political life. (Note: The Goreolis Effect does not apply to politicians before 1960.  It also does not apply to politicians who have always had beards like Rep. David Obey or Katherine Harris.)

So, Richardsons new facial hair indicates that he won't be a vp candidate with either Democrat. I suspect he'll be teaching Foreign Affairs and UNM by 2009. The Sartorial Senator's prediction for Obama's running mate: Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius, who is likely unable to grow a beard.

Update: Presidential Dress-Up

As the Sartorial Senator reported earlier, Bill Clinton himself played dress-up while visiting other countries, making the Clinton attack on Obama pretty ridiculous.

In further research (google image search), the Sartorial Senator has dug up this image of Hillary Clinton while in Israel:

So if Obama is a Muslim I guess Hillary is too.

Presidential Dress-Up

Every once in a while a Sartorial story can take on a serious tone.  This is one such instance.  The Drudge Report is reporting that Clinton staffers have been circulating the following image of Barack Obama in a blatant effort to fuel the racist xenophobic ethnocentric false claims that Obama is a Muslim.

Now if this is true (and the Drudge Report certainly is not a paragon of journalistic integrity), I would like to point out how unfair, and hypocritical the Clinton campaign is being.  Playing dress-up is (no joke) one function of a President.  Look at the multiple postings the Sartoial Senator has of Bush globe-trotting in various outfits.
What's more, it's not like Bill Clinton didn't do the same thing when he was President.  We get it Hillary Clinton, you don't want to lose the primary...please don't bring down the Democratic party in the process.  Call off your goons.

When Nature Calls

There have been a lot of great photo-ops during Bush's recent trip to Africa, but this one caught the Sartorial Senator's eye.  I have no doubt that these Bush Tube-Tops will sell like hotcakes at NASCAR events across the US.

The Sartorial Senator thinks this is a genius ploy to boost low approval ratings...associate yourself with something everybody loves: boobs!

Look how well things have gone for Barack Obama since the introduction of the oBRAma:

Hillary Runs For President of the United Federation of Planets

After watching the debate last night, I think the Sartorial Senator has stumbled upon Hillary Clinton's problem this primary....she's running for President...in 2040. 

Seriously Hill, that outfit is way too futuristic for a candidate who wants to focus on the here and now.  But don't worry, 40 years from now when we're all wearing lycra onesies you have my vote.

In a related note if anyone wants to pick up an action figure of "Debate Hillary" now is your chance...

Top 10 Primary Stories The Sartorial Senator Missed:

After an extended vacation (extreme laziness), the Sartorial Senator is making a triumphant return to the world of blogging.  Why now, you ask?  Why, when you were just getting over the Sartorial Senator do I stroll back into your life?  Well, here are the Top 10 sartorial stories from this primary cycle that I just couldn't walk away from:

#10: 12-inch Pianist Jokes

Hillary Clinton needs to stop demonstrating the size of things with her hands....it's making the Sartorial Senator very uncomfortable.

#9: Jowl Movement

vs.

Is John McCain not the Jowliest American politician since Richard Nixon?  Seriously, is the man storing up food for winter in those things?

#8: Courting the Youth Vote

I've heard of kissing babies, but damn Rudy...you gonna make that thing your fourth wife or what?

#7: Son of Jor-El From the Planet Kenya

When you're trying to dispel the criticism that you are an egomaniac with a messianic following, maybe this isn't the best way to go about it.

#6: Populust

I know this primary is all about making history, but, I'm sorry, Populists can't be good looking.

#5: Devolution

Does it bother anybody else that the so-called "revolutionary" candidacy of Ron Paul was essentially a repackaging of Pat Buchanon's platform?  Isolationism...how revolutionary!

#4: Mittrosexuals

Here, the Romney clan sports the latest in Mourmon Couture.  I guess the five boys will be trading in the khakis for some camo now that Daddy's campaign is over.

#3: Thompson the Carpathian

 

"I Vigo Thompson the scourge of Carpathia, the sarrow of Modovia command you, on a mountain of skulls in a castle of pain, I sat on a thrown of blood..."  I can't imagine why Thompson lost.  Image courtesy of democraticunderground.com

#2: Well the Man has a Type

Is it cheating if you sleep with your wife's doppelganger? Image courtesy huffingtonpost.com

#1: What a Spontaneous Moment of Unexpected, Unstaged Support!

Does anyone else find this mildly to very offensive...I know we're not allowed to use the term "pimping out"....but....

Who has two thumbs and loves black kids......

Tommy Thompson!!!

Sartorial Senator will return full time August 1st.

If Elected, Richardson Pormises to Never Pay More Than $10 For a Haircut

The Sartorial Senator has been on a bit of a hiatus during the finals period, but this was a story that I couldn't pass up.  In the recent primary debate Democrat candidate Bill Richardson scored a big fashion in politics moment when he said, "I think the American people want candor. They don’t want blow-dried candidates with perfection."  clearly this comment is directed at John Edwards and his $400 dollar haircut.  Richardson should be careful here though.  While America may not want a "blow dried" candidate, we also might not be ready for a "Supercuts" candidate either.  I do like Richardson's promise of Candor.  I think he should take a page from McCain (before McCain became the Miami Heat of politics).  Instead of the Straight Talk Express, Richardson could ride around in the Candor Caboose.

AdMITTing Your Flaws: Follow Up

The Sartorial Senator reported over a month ago on the connection between Mitt Romney, his "too perfect" hair, and Ken of the Ken and Barbie duo.  In what can only be evidence that the Romney team is composed of avid  Sartorial Senator readers, this comparison was made to Mr. Romney himself.  I can't believe we missed the striking resemblance of Romney's wife to a Barbie doll!  To be fair though, this is only one of his wives.

Thrice Married Dog Killer On the Loose!

Some people seemed upset last week when Rudy Giuliani said his wife would sit in on Cabinet meetings on issues she was interested in.  At first this didn't bother me at all, because her tenure as First Lady of the Hamptons had gone so well.  But now the NY Post reports that Giuliani's wife may have been involved in some amateur puppy killing in her younger days.  I think America is ready for a lot of changes in the next election, but the anti-puppy killing lobby just might have the edge with the American people on this one.

Lock and Load-- Virginia Style

Neophyte Senator Jim Webb got into some hot water recently when one of his aides was caught bringing a loaded gun into a Senate Office Building.  Things only got worse when it appeared the gun likely belonged to Senator Webb himself.  Now things are in full spin cycle as Webb tries to turn this gaffe into a political message.  Speaking about the importance of the second amendment, the Virginia Democrat said, "I believe that wherever you see laws that allow people to carry (weapons), generally the violence goes down." 

Virginia really produces some top-notch politicians, don't they? First we get George Allen and his well oiled campaign.  Now we have Yosemite Sam over here trying to bring guns to committee hearings.  But I have to say, I like this tougher image that the Democrats are adopting.  Hopefully Webb will pistol-whip Joe Lieberman next time he threatens to switch his allegiances.

Heil Hillary

So what does it take to get an endorsement from a former Iowa governor/Presidential candidate?  Well, apparently $430,000 is a good start.  Thats the amount that Mr. Vilsack, seen right saluting his new lead'er, is in debt according to the NY Times.  In what Clinton aides have said was not a quid pro quo, Vilsack has thrown his endorsement to Clinton, while she has agreed to utilize her significant fund-raising machine to help pay back some of his debt.  You know Hillary, I have some serious student loan debt and very few scruples; Lets begin a conversation here.  Hillary Clinton has already been compared to Big Brother so far this campaign.  Maybe Vilsack should rethink his "Heil Hillary" salute if he wants to avoid those bill collectors.